With all the talk about inclusion these days, I wanted to mention the many ways we can celebrate our differences and begin the journey of walking a few steps in each others’ shoes.
- When someone shares a meal or recipe from their culture that sounds odd to you, instead of responding with disgust, say, “That’s interesting!” If you’re curious about what it tastes like, ask questions instead of assuming it must taste horrible. If you’re given the chance to try someone else’s food, do so respectfully. The other party is probably desperately hoping you would like it.
- Remember that a lot of poorer countries lack resources and have substandard food; but people still seek the taste they grew up with as “comfort food.” Think long and hard before you make fun of someone eating something that’s say, just essentially flour and MSG. A can of SPAM may seem gross to you, but to someone growing up poor, it would have been a luxury. Adjust your responses accordingly. (And what the heck, maybe you can get drunk and share the meal with them anyway!)
- When someone shares a story about a celebration, religious or otherwise, listen first instead of making a split-second judgment about what these people should, or shouldn’t, believe in. People’s environments shape their personal narratives; what you may think is silly may have made the difference between life and death for another.
- Some practices are barbaric, no question about it. However, try not to jump at the opportunity to lecture someone about a particular practice in their culture when they have no control over it. Also consider that every society has done, and still does, things that are questionable. No one culture is “better” than the other.
- Double check if you’re going to respond with “That’s weird,” to someone’s personal story. Wait until they give you enough context. What seems strange to you may be perfectly normal to the other person.
- On that note, people from different places will often celebrate the same holidays in different ways. I’ve seen people talk about how “Christmas decorations should only be between X and Y dates,” for example, which interestingly enough was once part of a debate in the strata we live in. But there’s reasons behind a lot of the differences. For instance, in the Philippines, a country with high poverty rates, people have taken to celebrating what they can, when they can–which means Christmas decorations go up by September (marking the end of typhoon season, when many peoples’ homes are a wreck) and stay there until January. People often take these customs with them when they move. It’s okay to let them practice it.
- Read the room. In many cases, POC are understandably nervous about sharing their culture because they’ve been historically treated as subhuman. Many POC have had to become ‘chameleons’ in order to survive, and are exceptionally good at pretending that the majority’s perspective is theirs, too. They are also used to having their experiences dismissed or not seen as important enough, or overshadowed by someone trying to compare vastly different situations.
- But that said, many people are often eager to share their stories. Give them the space! I’ve personally learned a lot listening to others tell their stories, even if it’s something as simple as a childhood memory.
- Sometimes, a quick Google search will save you a load of embarrassment.
- Even better, a quick Google search tells the other person that you have been paying attention to their story, instead of dismissing it as gibberish because it doesn’t fit your narrative, or insisting they explain it. Especially for the latter–chances are they spend a lot of time explaining it to everyone, anyway. Take a bit of initiative. Learn.
- Instead of saying [your culture] is just not that interesting to me (usually masked in softer words, like ‘I’m just not interested in Southeast Asian fantasy’ or ‘That sounds boring, no offense’), just maybe don’t…say anything at all. If you’re really not inclined to give it a try, you don’t have to justify it. (But at least engage in a bit of self-reflection over why that is).
If that all sounds like a lot of work, it is! Imagine what others have to do to get along, too. The key is to keep making little changes here and there. Nobody is perfect, and we’ve all said or done things thoughtlessly when we could’ve approached it a different way. There’s always room for growth.
