The Ikessar Falcon is launched, marking my third and last novel release for this year. It’s done; come hell or highwater, there’s nothing more I can do for that book. It’s all in the readers’ hands. I did my best to tell this story a certain way, but how people respond to it is no longer under my control.
As a writer who takes pride in execution, who does everything within her power to respect the reader’s time and experience even as she attempts to express herself, it is frightening to reach this point. There is so much lost in translation, so much I can’t make the words do or say when they’re all I have to work with. I’m sometimes torn between beating myself up for not trying harder and accepting that I’ve done what I can with the material I’ve got. (“Then find better material!” my brain says, which sends me back to that maddening rush, like a dog chasing after her tail).
So I went online for a bit, and found comfort in the words of one of my favourite authors of all time, the great Ursula Le Guin. Here’s what she had to say on that matter:
Even under the most skilled control, the words will never fully embody the vision. Even with the most sympathetic reader, the truth will falter and grow partial. Writers have to get used to launching something beautiful and watching it crash and burn. They also have to learn when to let go control, when the work takes off on its own and flies, farther than they ever planned or imagined, to places they didn’t know they knew. All makers must leave room for the acts of the spirit. But they have to work hard and carefully, and wait patiently, to deserve them.
I’ll get back to The Xiaran Mongrel on Monday. I’ve got a plan for how to approach the edits, but fuck if they’ll work at all. Maybe this story I’ve been patiently building up will crash and burn after all; there’s not much I can do about it. I’ve given myself ten months to whip this manuscript to shape–to give Talyien a chance at speaking her truth once and for all. I’m going to try my hardest to paint a picture out of this mess even as the whole trilogy dares to push at the boundaries of the genre and readers’ understanding. What happens after…is not for me to decide.
