I‘ve talked about how many incarnations my debut novel went through before I ever found the true heart and soul of the story, the one that would drive it all the way to the end of Sapphire’s Flight. It seems amazing, looking back. I think I was a ridiculously arrogant young writer back in the day, all style and no substance, and I still cringe at how I thought I knew all about storytelling simply because I could stick some words together.
Still, I kind of like looking back at it now and seeing how different the story played out. There’s a much more detailed attack on Shirrokaru with Sume as the target, and Ylir was involved. It was a lot more dramatic, though I always felt that the impact of the events didn’t strike the emotional chord I was intending it to, which was why I kept rewriting the novel over and over again. It’s interesting to note that in that first version, Gaven was Kefier’s friend who just later turns on him, and Ailat plays a huge part from the first book onwards.
Anyway, for hilarity’s sake, here’s some excerpts from those first few drafts. Try not to hold them against me.
He was aware of the futility of his attempts. Had he been fighting alone, for the sake of nothing, he would have faced it once more. But the thought of his friends lay in the back of his mind: Gaven’s weary breathing, Lillah’s limping walk, Camden’s dejected face. If he died there would be no other way to save them.
He struggled to stand. The sweat gleamed off his dark face, giving him the likeness of a bronze statue, a man knowing defeat yet refusing to admit it. He sank his spear into the ground and with a snarl, used it to leap into the mouth of the cave.
A deafening roar sounded as the creature’s claws sank into empty rock, the tremor rising in the air and seeping into earth until it became, for a moment, everything.
Undaunted, he dragged himself down the hole, careful to avoid slipping against the myriad of moss-covered rocks lining the floor. A few feet down, he stopped, and cursed aloud. A large block of stone prevented him from going any further. There was a circle of runes in the center, etched in silver and gold. His heart sank. He suddenly wanted to scream, to pound his fists on something, anything, just so he could run from the feeling of hopelessness descending on him.
Behind him, he heard the creature’s laughter.
“I told you it is useless. They are trapped and they will die, slower than you will.”
The loss of blood sapped his strength. His head began to throb, the images in front of him becoming hazier every minute, and for a moment he had the distinct notion that he wasn’t really here, that somewhere, lying down, Kefier was asleep and dreaming. His ears rang.
He lost his footing and he fell against the block.
There was a sound like a gush of wind and metal striking against rock combined. Then, the ground began to shake, and Kefier, half-awake yet, dragged himself away.
Against the stone, the runes began to glow, drowning the darkness in warm light.
~~~
They were eating, eating him; he was dying, and his body was rotting, leaving his soul in the midst, like a rock dissolving into powdered sand. Precious moments passing by with each tick of the unseen clock in his head; the beat of his heart; the tremor of his pulses. A quick breath rattled through the rest of him and he let his head drop, uncertain of where the pain was coming from, of why it was there. Darkness like light cast in his dimmed eyes. His blood flow slowed. Something like bones cracking resounded in his head, and did not stop.
~~~
Sume ran.
The fire had begun to spread through the rooftops, covering the sky with thick black smoke, and it was only because that Shirokuro was not a walled city that many had managed to make their way through the streets and towards the fields beyond. Sume passed them by, a frenzied crowd that reached out to her trying to drag her down into their madness, and she jerked away from them, frightened by their loss of wits. A shaking man, with eyes rolling over the back of his head, fell dead in front of her, and she nearly lost heart then; but the distant scream of the beast reached her ears and she forced her way across the standing and fallen bodies, all writhing, all in pain.
Deeper into the city there were less people, and barely none left alive. The debris burnt and collapsed around them, crackling with the flames. Sume used her cloak to cover her face from the nauseating smell of the smoke and that of everything else, that she could not bear to think about, but still she coughed, and retched where she could, until her throat was parched and as dry as the air around her. At one point, she would have fallen, if not for a sudden cold hand enveloping her bare arm, and lifting her head, she found herself looking into Ailat’s face.
~~~
The heat scorched the ground beneath her, but she went on, even when the air misted over, making her path invisible to her eye. Around her the city fell, sending sparks of soot flying in the air, and charred debris clattering on top of each other, so that Tsume could not tell which part of the city she was in now, or if she was in the palace, or that indeed, she was still in Shirokuro; for there was nothing now but the chaos and the mark of the flames and the purple and orange fire that surrounded the body of the beast.
It fixated its eye on her like a hawk, and she boldly went on, avoiding its gaze, heading straight for the limp girl that lay on the ground, half-covered with broken pieces of rock and wood. Her mind blurry from want of fresh air, she collapsed beside her and unearthed the girl. Her body was cold, but there was breath coming out of her lips and she held her, shaking her, trying to make her stir, and when finally her body managed a small cough, she looked up and stared at the beast defiantly.
Stared at Jaeth’s Eye, unafraid.
