I hit a major obstacle earlier this week but I’ve been slowly building up to my wordcount again and was able to hit 78k words on the manuscript last night. So a bit behind on my schedule–particularly when I realized this was going to go over the target wordcount–but I’ve only got about 32k words to go.
My usual anxiety/depression combination is making my brain feel like it’s being caressed by a cheese grater, but my heart won’t make me stop, so I keep writing.
This manuscript is a ridiculous mess right now. I’m trying to tie up the threads of the character arcs, playing them against each other as a contrast. I don’t know what the fuck I’m saying. Happy Farm Adventures…it’s a “grimdark” novel with spots of light. One of the main characters would probably belong in a “noblebright” fantasy. And then I’m trying to make sure everything falls realistically into place…motivation is a big thing for me, and I always need to make sure that I can defend each characters’ actions.
So I’ve got a lot of exploratory dialogue, a good chunk of which will have to be tightened or even cut. I really don’t know. And I know people aren’t going to want to read this, which makes me question if I can even write anything commercial in the first place or is it always going to be mind vomit and play, because this was just supposed to be a structured, adventure-type novel and where the fuck are all these nagging thoughts coming from?
So now I have a twitch on my right eyebrow that doesn’t seem like it’s going to go away anytime soon.
And I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.
But hopefully I’ll have a finished 1st draft in my hands soon.
