My Scathing Review of Aina’s Breath

I said I wouldn’t do this but it’s just too much fun not to. My scathing review of Aina’s Breath, Book 2 of The Agartes Epilogues.

Just when you didn’t think Villoso was capable of writing any worse, she *does it again*.

Aina’s Breath starts off with a prologue that’s completely unrelated to the previous brain vomit story, “Jaeth’s Eye,” which still doesn’t explain who the fuck Agartes is and what exactly happened in the previous novel. Yes, yes, sad things happen–if there’s one thing Villoso is good at, it’s trying to make you cry. Keyword: try. I did probably shed a tear or two, but that was from yawning so much I thought my jaw was going to fall off.

We then pick up where the previous story left off, and what do you know it…we’re stuck with the same three fucktards from last time! “Ylir” goes around fucking things up, while Sume continues to be a disgrace to her sex when she (SPOILERS) fucks up and becomes pregnant. That’s right, she pulls the ultimate no-no for a female character: a basic lack of understanding of human reproduction. If you’re going to be a smart heroine, you’ve got to know about safe sex. Didn’t they teach this stuff in high school?

Kefier, still leading the race in the “Boring Characters” contest, somehow manages to become even more boring when he (SPOILERS) goes from mediocre mercenary to an even more mediocre father. It’s not even his kid but that doesn’t seem to bother Mr. Footstool. For fuck’s sake, Villoso, you’re writing epic fantasy–why are these characters so normal? We see him get a job, get a dog for his kid, chop firewood while getting ogled by the ladies (or in this case, one), you know the drill. On the plus side, he finally loses his virginity. Or something, I don’t know, I wasn’t paying attention to the last book. Thankfully, his spastic memory is no longer an issue now that he’s conveniently forgotten that he has something to hide, but that still doesn’t stop him from screwing up things that he’s trying to fix.

This is a longer book than the last one, which means Villoso basically pulls to a screeching halt and indulges more in this “character development” crap that frankly I’m not even sure she knows anything about. Sume’s nephew Dai is still a little shit, except now he has a personality disorder. We get to meet characters like an old man, an even older woman, and a horse that gets thrown away by the next chapter. You also have your genre staples here: a prostitute with a heart of gold, a some sort of king who only wants to do *what’s best for his people*, a gruff soldier who thinks he’s funnier than Ylir, his even-gruffer aide/assistant/whatever that he’s clearly boffing on the side, and a token gay character. I was almost expecting an elf and a dwarf to walk in. Oh, we do have Jarche, who’s kind of an elf in pastel colours–you’re not fooling anyone there, Villoso.

We see Ylir’s life spiral out of control, which results in him severely lowering his standards when it comes to women. He is now the one afflicted with the spastic memory–one minute, he’s happily-married, shaking hands with the in-laws, kissing goats, all that crap, the next, he’s in what? WHY? Villoso must’ve conveniently forgotten three entire chapters or was drinking when she wrote this part–which, judging from her Twitter feed, is probably not far from the truth. SMH here, ma’am.

By the end of this book, I’m starting to get an idea what the plot is all about (Kefier indulges in a big reveal at like THE WORST OPPORTUNITY EVER, dude, LEARN to shut your freaking mouth!), but frankly I think Villoso missed the mark here because I just didn’t care anymore. I did manage to see the airships, but the development was underwhelming. I also saw the not-quite dragon, again, underwhelming. There was a lot of snow and a lot of stabbing, and something about badgers. I liked seeing all the stuff about mages and magic but some of it was sidetracked by scenes where women talk about a man. Like this series hasn’t failed the Bechdel test enough.

I’m sure Villoso thinks she can weave an epic fantasy tale but I really think she should consider learning how to knit. I feel like it would be a lot more productive use of her time.