It may come as a surprise to some, but I’m human. I have desires, and feelings, and a brain that seems to work 25/7 don’t ask me how (okay, fine…you know how when you’ve hit the snooze button for five minutes, and your brain still manages to sneak in what feels like an entire night’s worth of dreams? I’m rounding that down to that extra hour). Just like anyone else, I am frightened of the unknown…of the void that lay before we woke up to this life, and the inevitable one before us. I am frightened of being lost.
I think it’s why I write so much. The physical nature of words mesh very well with our perception that everything around us is permanent and important and here-to-stay. But then I hit the end of a chapter, or the start of a chapter, and then there we are again: that same void that seems to impermeate all of existence. Where do stories come from, and how are they formed? If a writer could explain, would we have more of them?
It’s not as if being lost is so bad. Last year, on a backpacking trip, I was separated from my husband and daughter for a couple of hours. With my son on my back and my dogs running ahead of me, I thankfully managed to navigate my way back to where we last saw the rest of the group. During the experience, there was initial panic on my part–after about half an hour I wasn’t sure if I was me or them that was lost (NOTE: it was me. I didn’t have the GPS). But interspersed between that were moments of clear-thinking, and “Hey, I think I might die out here. Bummer.” Which I did actually believe, because we were being pelted by freezing rain, and if we had to hunker down for the night I was prepared to wrap my son up in all my clothes.
Reading and writing epic fantasy feels a lot like getting lost, too. Reading contemporary fiction or certain other genres, you at least have an expectation of the setting even before you’ve finished the first chapter. But then you get into it, and even though you have no idea what’s going to happen, and it’s all overwhelming (more true for writing it than reading, I’ve found), there is this sense of being able to take it all in one page at a time. It’s not so bad. Just like real life.
Do you like sarcasm, drama, and lots of talking before sword fights? Do you sometimes wish your epic fantasy had more feelings? Then please support my hungry brood and give The Agartes Epilogues a try! It’s like a soap opera with dragons!
